I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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