He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
