They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
high people should be assigned attendants
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
