While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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