For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
