We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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