He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
