is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
