Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Randomize