planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
