I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
