Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
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Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
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You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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