Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Randomize
