She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
