I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
