just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
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i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
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I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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