You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
