And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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