True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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