I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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