Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
