He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
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I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
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