people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
