Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
