I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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