I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
