First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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