This house was built for laser tag.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
