Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize