Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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