Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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