I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
