bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
