And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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