i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
