ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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