but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
