I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
