I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Let's paint friendship bongs
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
