also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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