DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
