You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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