help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
