Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
