ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
