Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize