bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
