i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
