I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
