Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
