Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
