On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
