stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I want her autograph on my taint
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
