She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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