Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
