Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
