It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
