If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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