i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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