No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
