He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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