Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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