Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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