Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
