God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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