I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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