I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
